LaNUBlog™

Two little boys stole a big bag of Oranges From a neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the big gate to enter the cemetery,

By Divine Chiemeka: I went wit a friend to visit his babe from a very rich family. The maid approached me &asked MAID: what would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee? ME: tea pls. MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, Jericho gold tea, bush tea or green tea? ME: Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white? ME: white. ... MAID: milk or fresh cream? ME: with milk. MAID: goat milk or cow milk? ME: cow’s milk. MAID: freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow? ME: umm, let me go with the freezeland cow. MAID: would u like it with sweetner, sugar or honey? ME: sugar. MAID: bee sugar or cane sugar? ME: cane sugar MAID: white, brown or yellow sugar? ME: abeg, forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water. MAID: mineral, tap or distilled water? ME: mineral water. MAID: flavoured or non flavoured? ME: infact get me an empty glass! MAID: do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug? ME:...

THESE ARE BASICALLY 7 TYPES OF GIRLS THESE DAYS. 1. HARD DISK GIRLS: Remember everything for ever, they'll always come back for good time. 2. RAM GIRLS: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off or an upgrading version of your hardware/ software is available. 3. SCREEN SAVER GIRLS: Just for looking, beautiful but don't even think of dating them, you'll have high blood pressure, not their fault but it's due to popular demand.

Akpos was arrested in Lagos by a group of traffic Officials for driving on the BRT Lane reserved for commercial passenger buses. His car was fined 5,000 Naira. After begging and pleading for thirty minutes, the traffic Officials refused to release the car. Akpos asked: Okay. May I know where you are towing my car to?

I asked a Chinese girl if she would come out with me for a date & I asked her for her mobile number so I could call her.......she got all excited & said;.... All night sex sex free sex free sex tonight .....wow,

For a long time Akpos has been battling with a leak in his roof. One night there was a very heavy down pour, he had to move from one corner of his house to the other to avoid drops from his roof. This made him have sleepless night. The next morning he decided to fix his roof, after scouting for ladder in his neighbourhood, he tried to climb to the roof. Climbing wasn't easy, he panted and sweated but successfully climbed to the roof, as he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock on his door.

An elderly man in Accra calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in London and tell her!".

An elderly man in Accra calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in London and tell her!".

A man entered a barber's shop to barb his head. As the barber was barbing his hair, he saw a pretty lady sitting in the shop. And said "hello baby you look so beautiful, do you mind if we spend the night together? The lady said NO i'm married.

1. WHY DO GIRLS LIVE LONGER THAN GUYS. =shopping never causes heart attack. But paying the bills does. Lol 2. Rap Gang: Eight(8) men were rapping a woman, instead of crying, she was laughing, the men never bothered they even went for second rounds each, since she was not crying, when they were fully satisfied, they dressed up. And when they were about to leave, they asked her why she was laughing and smiling instead of crying. She said "MY DEAR, YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND, SINCE I CONTACTED HIV NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THIS WITH ME" the men fainted. Lol 3. A man stole A CHURCH CLOCK JUST BECAUSE HE HEARD THAT Pastor Said that GOD'S TIME IS THE BEST. Could u Imagine. 4. Smokers are liable to die young. Men i better start drinking alcohol maybe drinkers are liable to live long. Lol 5. I can go round the Earth in a seconds, YES! In a SECONDS! Do you wanna know how? Just Draw the Map of the World and Stand on It. Behold You have Reached the Whole World. Hahahahahahahaha! Shi...

The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I buy. I buy." Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France." The man pauses for awhile....

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same. The farmer, watching a...

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive. 'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor. Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." 'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.' A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went. 'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.' What happened?' asks the doctor. 'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible! 'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was the sex not good?' 'Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in ...

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over ...

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned. " The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would." Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definite...

A 24 year boy seeing out from the train window, shouted, "Dad, look the trees are going behind!" Dad smiled and a young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old's childish behavior with pity. Suddenly he again exclaimed "Dad, look the clouds are running with us!" The couple couldn't resist and said to the old man, "Why don't you take your son to a good doctor?" Old man smiled and said "I did and we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, He Just Got His EYES TODAY" Think before you speak We wish you all a successful Month/Year-bless you all.

You can only see it in the eyes of reflection. You can only touch it in the hands of your own. You can only find it in the other’s eyes. You can only kill it in the death of your own. What is it?

Q: Tuesday, Sam and Peter went to a restaurant to eat lunch. After eating lunch, they paid the bill. But Sam and Peter did not pay the bill, so who did? A: Their friend, Tuesday. Q: What gets broken without being held? A: A promise. Q: What is always coming but never arrives? A: Tomorrow Q: What goes through towns and over hills but never moves? A: A Road Q: What has Eighty-eight keys but can’t open a single door? A: A piano Q: A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird? A: None of them, because you can’t get a banana from a coconut tree! Q: Which eight-letter word still remains a word after removing each letter from it? A: Starting-Staring-String-Sting-Sing-Sin-In-I. Q: What has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but never walks, and has a bank but no money? A: A river! The Smith family is a very wealthy family that lives in a big, circular home....

Riddles Q: What has a foot but no legs? A: A snail Q: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it? A: Nothing Q: What comes down but never goes up? A: Rain Q: I’m tall when I’m young and I’m short when I’m old. What am I? A: A candle Q: Mary’s father has 5 daughters – Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughters name? A: If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. It’s Mary! Q: How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it? A: It can have a hole in it. Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink! What color were the stairs? A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house! A dad and his son were riding their bikes and crashed. Two ambulances came and took them to different hospitals. The man’s son was in the operating room and the doctor said, “I can’t operate on you. You’re my son.” ...

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00." The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. H...